GO!
by Wilhelm Fink
Summary: Insanity. Moronic. Poppycock? Just a few words to describe 'GO'. Naruto and Sasuke introduce a collection of warped stories circling around them and their friends.
1. Itachi's Real Plans

**GO!!!**

**Hey everybody. Since the admins deleted Naruto and Sasuke Uncut and Uncensored On, I needed a new comedy fic fill the void. I now bring you 'GO!!!' a compilation of humorous situations only Naruto co. could find themselves in.**

**Chapter 1:Itachi's Real Plans**

**Naruto:** Hey Sasuke, it kinda sucks that our talk show got canned...after only one chapter.

**Sasuke:** For once I agree, it was a shame. Especially after that call to the guy who ran Sakura and Ino Forever.

**Naruto: **Yeah...But anyway, we've got a great compilation of stories for you starting with 'Itachi's Real Plans'.

**Sasuke: **Enjoy...

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Itachi sat on a cliff, his legs dangling over the edge. He looked up into the stars and moved some hair away from his face. His shark-like partner Kisame walked up behind him and tapped Itachi on the shoulder.

"Itachi, our leaders have given us a mission to retrieve the Kyuubi from a ninja boy named Naruto in the village of Konohagakure,"

Itachi stood up and turned to his partner. "This'll be just a great family reunion," Itachi said maniacally.

The two missing-nins walked down the side of the mountain. The turned left and began their quest toward the hidden leaf village.

"So Itachi, do you know what this Kyuubi is?" Kisame asked.

"It's some sort of fox,"

"What would we want with a fox?"

"It's a very powerful fox. It destroyed almost all of Konohagakure twelve years ago," Itachi explained. "The Fourth Hokage had to use his Fuushin Jutsu. This technique brings forth the god of death and extracts the soul of your opponent. The only downside is you die as well,"

"That's a powerful technique," Kisame said.

"Yes...yes it is,"

"So Itachi, what would you do with the kyuubi? What would your real plans be with it?"

Itachi stopped walking and looked over to Kisame. "You want to know my plan?"

"Yeah,"

"My plan is simple. I'm going to harness the power of the kyuubi so I'll become so powerful nobody will be able to touch me. And then I'll go into people houses and mess up the place while they're asleep and maybe even leave post-it notes with words like poppycock and booby trap all over the house to further demoralize today's youth!"

Kisame looked at him with a bewildered look on his face. "That's your plan?"

"Yes. Isn't it great?"

"No...no it's not," Kisame said.

Itachi turned to him angrily. His eyes changed from their normal black to the red and black of the Mangekyou Sharingan. "I think three days of drowning torture!"

Kisame fell to the ground screaming. "That'll teach you to doubt my plans. Just think of it, kids will be going around town saying poppycock and angering their parents. The parents in turn will beat them into submission for swearing at such a young age, which will make it even easier to take the village over!"

Kisame stood up slowly. "Itachi, do you think that will actually work?"

"You see, all my plans are smart," Itachi said proudly.

"Is killing your clan smart? What did you do that for anyway?" Kisame asked.

Itachi looked back and forth nervously. "I uh...uh...hey look a monkey riding a mini-bike!"

Kisame turned around, hoping to see the chimp but was disappointed. When he looked back to Itachi, he was gone.

"Itachi! Get back here dammit!" Kisame yelled.

Itachi hid in the woods, he could see his teammate running in his direction through the leaves. He jumped down and pinned Kisame to a tree.

"Listen to me you shark-gilled bastard, you agree with my plan and I'll promote you from partner to Itachi's partner,"

Kisame tipped his head a stabbed his giant meat cleaver into the ground. "Have you been having headaches lately?"

Itachi dropped him to the ground and walked away. "Where are you going Itachi?" Kisame asked.

Itachi pulled out some post-it notes. "I'm going to spread profanity to Konohagakure!"

As the insane Uchiha missing-nin ran off, Kisame sat there in disbelief. "Doesn't he know that poppycock isn't even a swear word?"

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**Naruto:** I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of GO!!! I suppose it shows how much of a complete idiot your brother is.

**Sasuke: **And I thought he was just a genocidal maniac. Now I know he's mentally unstable _and _a genocidal maniac.

**Naruto: **It's just wonderful to learn things isn't it Sasuke.

**Sasuke: **No...no it's not. I could've gone through life knowing that my brother is insane.

**Naruto: **Check back for chapter two, Konoha Emergency Hospital.

**Notes: Yes, short I know but I wanted to end it before it became too stupid.**


	2. Let's Get Drunk

**GO!!!**

**Chapter 2: Let's Get Drunk**

**Notes: **Sorry for the long wait. It took a while to get a good idea. The 'Konoha Hospital' theme wasn't working so I just threw it out. This idea came to me as I was eating Lucky Charms...ah yes.

**Naruto: **Hey folks. Did you miss us? Oh coarse you did. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter 'Itachi's Secret Plans'.

**Sasuke: **Although I could've gone through life without knowing my brother was more mentally unstable than before, it was enjoyable.

**Naruto: **But that's not all. We have more news for you folks. Would you like to take this Sasuke?

**Sasuke: **Sure. Our new talk show fic 'The Uzumaki Naruto Effect' is finally in its final stages of planning and should be up soon. Now on with the show.

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Naruto and Sasuke sat in Naruto's living room watching television. More specifically a beer commercial. Two girls bikini's were wrestling each other on a bed while two men drinking beer watched.

"Your own way to live...the high life,"

"Wow Sasuke. Look at the effects beer have on people. Strange is it not?" Naruto asked.

"Indeed. It's almost imitateable,"

"Let's do it! Let's get drunk!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Where can we find alcohol. Obviously you can't buy any. And not because you're poor. Because you're not 21," Sasuke said.

"Thanks for pointing that out shitass. with me,"

Naruto and Sasuke walked down the hallway and entered the bathroom. Naruto knelt down and opened up the cabinet door under the sink. He pulled out a plastic bottle of rubbing alcohol and smiled.

"See! Alcohol,"

"Naruto. That's rubbing alcohol...it's not the kind your thinking of," Sasuke pointed out.

Naruto stared at him for a second. "I'm drinkin' it,"

He ran from the bathroom and out to the kitchen. He grabbed a glass out of the sink and poured a little of the rubbing alcohol into the glass. As he took a sip, Sasuke walked into the kitchen.

"You know you'll regret this later,"

Naruto stopped drinking and his eyes slowly widened as he swallowed the clear liquid.

"Ah! It burns! It burns the throat!" he screamed. "What does it say to do if you drink it?!"

Sasuke walked over to the counter and picked up the bottle.

"It says to induce vomiting,"

"How do we do that?!" Naruto asked.

Sasuke walked over to Naruto and gave him a hard punch in the stomach. Naruto threw up on the floor. Even after throwing up, he was still stunned from the blow and fell face first into the vomit.

"And they say I shouldn't be a Chuunin," Sasuke laughed.

---

Naruto lay in a hospital bed when he awoke. As he sat up, Sasuke, Sakura, Shikamaru and Ino gathered around his table. Sakura slapped him on the back of the head.

"What the hell did you do now?!"

"Let me explain," Sasuke said. "He saw a beer commercial on the television and tried to get drunk off of rubbing alcohol,"

"Sounds like him," Shikamaru said.

"Yeah I know...that's because it was," Sasuke told him.

"I know, I was just say-"

Sasuke cut Shikamaru off. "No...no you didn't,"

Shikamaru turned back toward his chair. "Troublesome bastard,"

"I can't believe you did that Naruto," Sakura said.

"Why not? I've done crazier stuff before. Remember that time I tried to get that job?"

--Flashback--

"Now mister...uh...Uzumaki. Do you have any talk show experience?"

"Yeah...yeah...I had this one show called Naruto and Sasuke Uncut and Uncensored On... but it got canned,"

The television station owner glared at him. "Can I ask why?"

"Umm...uh...look there it's a monster!"

"Where?!"

Naruto ran from the room and out of the building.

--End Flashback--

"Isn't that a great story?" Naruto asked.

"No...no it's not," Sasuke said.

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**Naruto: **That was funny. Wasn't it?

**Sasuke: **I could imagine you doing that.

**Naruto: **Yeah...yeah. It's pretty imitateable. It shows how television has a large effect at what we do. Look at Jackass for example. People tried to do a lot of stuff on that show.

**Sasuke: **Yes. Because they were idiots. Just like the author.


	3. Trip to the Mountains

**GO!!!**

**Chapter 3:** Trip to the Mountains

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**Naruto: **And you thought we wouldn't be back!

**Sasuke: **'Coarse the thought we'd be back. We are us after all.

**Naruto: **Oh yeah. I forgot about that.

**Sasuke: **Anyway...here's a little story about us in the mountains.

**Naruto: **'Twas a fun trip.

----

"And we're off to the mountains!" Naruto exclaimed. "Afer six months of waiting and waiting we're finally going!"

"Hey hey, slow down there buddy. Don't have a coniption fit. Cuz you know...if the adults on the trip thing you're clinically insane...you're not gonna stay on the trip," Sasuke said, calming him down.

"Yeah Naruto, hyperventilation isn't good at all," Shikamaru pointed out.

Once everyones equipment was loaded on top of the bus, the adult supervisors climbed onto the bus and it lurched forward.

Sakura and Ino turned toward the three boys. "So are you guys skiing with us?" Sakura asked.

Naruto, Sasuke and Shikamaru broke out laughing. "Are you kidding me?" Naruto asked. "We're snowboarding and snowskating,"

"Point me to the pipe boys," Sasuke said.

"Snowboarding!" Sakura and Ino exclaimed. "Why would you wanna do that?"

"Well...because uh...uh...why do you wanna go skiing huh?" Naruto stammered.

The girls looked at each other and shook their heads. Naruto put his cold hands in his red Jeenyus hoodie and looked out the window. Snow was slowly falling from the sky and blanketing the earth with fresh powder to tear through.

"Hopefully it won't snow too much you know?" Kiba piped up from behind them.

"You're on this trip too?" Shikamaru asked.

"Hell yeah man. Would I miss this?"

"Depends," Naruto said.

"Depends on what?" Kiba questioned.

Naruto took a deep breath but couldn't come up with anything. "Fucked if I know,"

"Even though we've only been on the bus for like...five minutes, i'm bored. Let's play a trick," Sasuke suggested.

"Ok," Kiba said. "I'll do something,"

Kiba turned toward Sakura and tried to get her attention. Not knowing her name made it even harder. "Hey! Hey, you with the face!" he yelled.

"Will you tell your friend to shut up Naruto?!" Sakura asked angrily.

"I think he's trying to get your attention," he whispered loudly.

Sakura turned to Kiba. "What do you want?"

Kiba blinked. "Is...oh shit how did that go. Hmm. I guess I forgot,"

"That's outragous!" Lee shouted from a seat behind them.

"Hey, we're not Lional Ritchie hosting the American Music Awards Lee!" Sasuke shouted back.

"How do you know it's the American Music Awards?!" Lee questioned.

"Who the hell cares! He's just trying to say you're annoying!" Shikamaru piped up.

"How did we get stuck on a bus of morons Ino?" Sakura sighed.

"If only there was another bus," Ino pouted.

----

As the bus pulled into the ski resort, the snow had now stopped falling and the sun had gone down. Naruto and co. stepped off of the bus and looked up to the mountain.

"Oh sweet jelly beans tell me this isn't a dream," Naruto said.

"It's not a dream," Lee pointed out.

"Fuck you Lee!" Naruto joked.

"Fuck equals pussy. Which in turn could also mean pie. Damn i'm hungry," Lee said.

"How you just made a connection between sex and being hungry is beyond me," Shikamaru said dumbstruck.

"Fuck could also mean ass. If you're gay," Sasuke pointed out.

"Lee...did you just say that to cover up your attraction to Gai?" Naruto asked.

"I'm not attracted to my sensei dammit!" Lee yelled.

"Come on. You look like a damn carbon copy of the man," Shikamaru said. "Except the chuunin jacket which you still don't have," he laughed as he pointed to his own.

"Dude!" Naruto said.

"What?"

"You said come,"

"Yes...yes  did,"

"Hey boys," Sakura called out.

She, along with Ino, TenTen and Hinata walked up to them. "How about a little race?" Sakura asked.

"You mean like in Johnny Tsunami?" Naruto asked, excited.

"Sure, if you want to put it that way,"

"Oh man! I can be all like WOOO and WHOA and FAR OUT!" Naruto exclaimed.

"What...the...hell..." Sasuke sighed.

"Meet us at the top of the mountain in five minutes," Ino told them.

The girls left for the mountain, leaving the boys standing in the snow.

"So who is gonna compete?" Sasuke asked. "We can only pick the best three,"

"Me, you and Shikamaru," Naruto said.

"Why you guys! Why not me too?!" Kiba exclaimed.

"Hmm. Maybe because we can ride down the whole damn hill!" Shikamaru said.

"Oh yeah...I forgot. My bad man," Kiba apologized.

Naruto, Sasuke and Shikamaru took off for the top of the mountain while Kiba and Lee went to the lodge. As they walked to the ski lift, they saw a florecent yellow post-it note on the tree with the word 'poppycock' written on it. Sasuke pulled it off and examined it.

"What nutcase would just write this and stick it on a tree? It's not even a sware word," he said.

"Fucked if I know," Naruto said. "Let's just go,"

----

They reached the top and saw Sakura and her team of Ino and TenTen waiting on skis. "You boys ready?" Ino asked.

"Abso-fucking-lutly" Shikamaru said.

The boys strapped themselves to their snowboards and waited until Sakura said go. They jumped onto the hill and got off to a quick start. Each of them pulled ahead of Sakura and her team...that was until almost everything went wrong. Shikamaru was the first victim to bad luck. He caught a small snowdrift and hit a rock sending him into the air. As he flew, Ino's skiing stick stabbed into Shikamaru's ass.

"My ass!" he managed to yell before getting a face full of snow and several scratches.

The skiing girls were quickly gaining an advantage so Sasuke formulated a plan in his head.

_I'm not usually one to sacrifice myself for anything...except for pancakes. Yes i'd do anything for them. If I was on a street corner and they drove up to me asking me to do things to them. I totally would. But back to the plan. Perhaps i'll take a dive and try to take them all out._

Sasuke quickly flipped his board sideways, slowing him down and spraying snow all over the place. The snow blinded TenTen and Ino which sent them tumbling into Sasuke and they all began to roll down the hill. Naruto jumped over them and continued on his quest to catch the now leading Sakura. He decided steer a bit off coarse and find a large jump to catapult himself over Sakura. Lucky for him, he did and just as he launched himself, Sakura moved right underneither him so as he landed, he landed on top of her. This caused them to skid all the way to the finish. Since Naruto's head crossed first, they were declared the victors...this time.

----

**Naruto: **Wasn't that fun Sasuke?

**Sasuke: **Other than the part where I crashed yeah.

**Naruto: **Would you really do anything for pancakes Sasuke? Would you walk backwards, even kill a man?

**Sasuke: **Walk backwards yes, if you were the man I had to kill yes. Otherwise...i'll give it a big probably.

----

**End Notes: **Hey folks, hope you enjoyed it. Sorry it took so long to update. I just have one question to you guys. Do you want another Itachi story or what! Coming next 'Itachi's Secreter Plans'


	4. A Day In The Life of Itachi

**GO!!!**

**Chapter 4: A Day in the Life of Itachi**

**Notes: **I'm going for something new here. Now all you Itachi fans from chapter 1 will get an even better dosage of that crazy Uchiha.

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**Naruto: **We're back yet again folks.

**Sasuke: **Of coarse. And do we have a treat for all out you hardcore Itachi fans.

**Naruto: **Sasuke. Explain to me what a hardcore Itachi fan really is.

**Sasuke: **Anyone who absolutly loved the first chapter.

**Naruto: **Oh...I know I did.

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**Morning**

Kisame slowly poured hot coffee into a mug and sat down at the table. Just then, Itachi emerged from the hallway.

"Good morning Itachi," Kisame said.

Itachi ignored him and went over to the counter to pour himself a cup of coffee. As he poured the brown liquid into his cup, he sighed.

"Kisame...my plan is working,"

"And I can't believe it..." Kisame sighed.

"And I still think you're full of shit," Itachi told him as he took a seat at the table.

Kisame took a sip from his cup and dripped a bit on the table. He set his cup down and reached over to get a napkin. As he retracted his hand, it knocked over Itachi's coffee and onto his lap.

"OW! You bastard-ass! These are my good pants! And i'm not wearing my killing pants today or my white pants so I suggest you start up the washing machine 'cuz you got some work to do,"

"I'm not your maid," Kisame said calmly.

"And you certainly aren't human either but you don't have a problem acting like one. So what's the problem with cleaning? You're a damn fish person you should like water,"

Kisame looked down into his coffee with a sad look on his face. Itachi immediatly began to laugh.

"You don't bathe do you. That explains that strange odor coming from you all the time,"

The fish-man looked back and forth before jumping up from the table and running out the door. Itachi quickly followed him and bolted out the door. As he ran down the street after him, little children pointed at him.

"Look mommy. That man peed himself,"

"Don't stare now," the mother told her son.

"Poppycock!" the boy yelled.

The mom slapped the boy in the back of the head. "I never want to hear that again! Where did you learn that horrible word?"

"Right here ma'am," the boy said, holding up a purple post-it note.

"Damn this person...damn him indeed,"

Itachi had finally caught Kisame and tackled him to the ground.

"Now I got you. I'm gonna bring you down to the laundry mat,"

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"Are you sure you want to clean that sir?" a man asked Itachi.

Itachi looked over at Kisame. "Oh this? Yeah...yeah I do. He uh...kinda smellsa little funny," Itachi leaned over to the man and whispered into his ear. "Like fish,"

Itachi then tossed Kisame into the washing machine and closed the door.

"Let's see. Spin cycle. Yes. Hot, cold or lukewarm. Hot. Timer? Eh let's give him a good 20 minutes,"

Itachi twisted the dial and pressed it in, starting the wash. Kisame banged against the door with a horrified look on his face. Itachi just smiled and turned to the stunned women next to him.

"Hello. I am Uchiha Itachi,"

She gave him a strange look and slowly backed away.

**20 Minutes Later**

"You see! Isn't it nice to me clean?" Itachi said to a dripping and dizzy Kisame.

"You are a total ass-bag,"

"Wait...did you just call me an ass-bag. What the hell is that? And don't say you because that would be very uncomdical,"

Kisame sighed and walked home in his squishy shoes.

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**Afternoon**

"Hey Kisame! C'mere a minute!" Itachi shouted from the bathroom.

Kisame walked into the bathroom and saw Itachi standing in front of the mirror.

"What?"

"Lemme try something,"

Before he could say no, Itachi slapped Kisame in the face with the back of his hand, leaving four streaks of newly applied purple nail polish.

"Does it burn like the stuff did on the movie 'Holes'?" he asked.

"No. No it doesn't,"

Itachi turned his head away and let his eyes wander around the room.

"Kisame?"

"Yes?"

"Can you like...drink with your gills or are they just for show?"

"They are so I can breath underwater you yutz,"

"Hmm...so if I were to shove yor head in this bathtub full of water and miscellanious clear liquids you could breath," he questioned.

"Yes but I don't think that's wise,"

Itachi grabbed Kisame's arm and shoved his head into the tub.

"AH! It burns the flesh! Is it some kind of acid or what?! Why god why?! Why do I have the misfortune to know this individual?!" Kisame shouted.

As he lifted his head from the tub, Itachi slapped a post-it note to his Kisame's head.

"You're it!" he shouted running from the room.

Kisame removed the note which indeed read 'It'. "Can someone out there give this guy some ritalin or nyquill...or a shot to the head,"

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**Night**

Itachi stealthily slinked across the front yard with a pen and post-it notes in hand. He pulled a small black recorder from his pocket and hit the record button.

"Phase one complete. Now phase two. Get kids to start saying 'You've just won syphillis!'"

He wrote down the phrase on post-it notes and smacked it to as many houses as he could in a night. Now all he could do was hope he could effect the kids in the same way as he did with the word 'poppycock'.

**Later That Night**

A little boy shook his mother from a sound sleep.

"Mom?"

"What is it son?"

"You've just won syphillis!" he shouted.

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**Naruto: **Well...what a crazy Itachi story. That makes two.

**Sasuke: **Wow...thank you for counting.

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**End Notes: **Wow. That was interesting. After the totally unexpected success of the first chapter I decided to hopefully keep my fans happy. Hope it had a similar effect as the first one.


	5. The Moviemaker

**GO!**

**Chapter 5: The Moviemaker**

"Fuck yeah!" Kakashi yelled. "That's what I like to see,"

Naruto, Sasuke, Gaara, Neji and the rest of the boys beamed as the coach said this. They did after all win their first volleyball game after a four game losing streak. There was much hands slapping and belly bumping before they cleared the area to go up into the stands.

The boys walked upstairs and fixed themselves into a large an area of the bleachers. The varsity coach had given Konohamaru a video camera to tape their game so they could reference what they did right and wrong later.

"That was one hell of a game," Naruto said.

"You didn't do to bad yourself," Sasuke replied.

"We all did pretty good," Neji laughed.

"Yeah, you're right about that," Gaara voiced.

"Hey Neji, did you tell Shikamaru what happened to you a couple days ago?" Naruto asked.

"Oh, no I didn't. Listen to this. So I was walking home from school, and you see I'm on the East side you know and some guy crosses the street and starts walking behind me. I'm thinkin' he's going home too but after a few blocks, he goes 'Stop walkin'' and I just keep going. A few seconds later he goes 'Stop walkin'' again and I just keep walking. Then he says 'Stop walkin' or I'll blow your brains out' and he shows me this fucking gun. So I run the hell out of there. Ino almost got Earl man,"

"Who's Earl?" Gaara asked.

"My turtle. Ino said if I don't live she gets Earl. So I call her after this and go 'Hey Ino, you almost go Earl,'"

"Wow, that's pretty crazy," Sasuke said.

Naruto was on the floor laughing. "You have a turtle named Earl!"

After the story, Konohamaru motioned for Gaara to come over by the camera. He explained that he had to go to the bathroom but he really didn't, and tricked Gaara into taping the game.

"Hey, look at Spielberg over there," Sasuke giggled.

Naruto and the rest looked over to him and laughed.

"Shhh!" Gaara shushed them. "I need silence,"

"What the hell," Naruto asked.

The opposing team scored a point and this sent Gaara over the edge.

"Damn! This will not do!" Cut, cut!"

People in the stands began to look at him like he was insane. Gaara jumped down onto the court and stopped the game.

"Cut, cut, cut. This will not do!" he shouted.

"Get off the court!" someone in the crowd yelled.

"Hey…fuck you!" Gaara yelled back.

"Now you're motivation here is forelorned. You've just had a point scored on you...come back with emotion!" he said to a player.

"What the hell are you doing?" the player asked.

"You just don't understand art! Get me someone off the bench,"

Gaara's coach ran up to him. "You'd better get off the court or you'll be off the team!" he scowled.

"Fine!" Gaara yelled.

Gaara ventured back upstairs to his dumbfounded teammates. Just before entering the gym, he stopped at the concession stand.

"Where are my little finger sandwiches!"

"Excuse me?" the girl asked.

"Where are my little finger sandwiches! I can't work without them,"

"This is a concession stand," the girl said.

"You're fired!" Gaara yelled. "It's so hard to find good help these days,"

Sasuke and Naruto grabbed him and carried him back into the gym.

"C'mon Trump…I think you've had enough for one day,"

**End Notes: **Surprise surprise. Yes i'm back for a while. Since the fans had called it...Haku and Zabuza are coming next!


End file.
